Happy Birthday Georgie.....

New Years Eve such a bitter sweet day for me.. For most people it marks the last day of the year and the start of new beginings, For me it marks my beautiful daughter Georgina's Birthday. She was born at 18:21 7 years ago, She flew to heaven 14 weeks and 2 days later on 10th April 2002.

It's hard to believe that this beautiful precous pink bundle that was placed in my arms 7 years ago today was mine and how much her life and then death changed me forever. I still remember it like it was yesterday the pain is raw today. Stu woke me up a little while ago and said I don't know how to be with you today, but I am here for you. It was the best thing he could have said to me. This is the 1st Birthday of Georgina's that he has been with me for and I know it's hard for him to see me in pain and crying, I am trying to keep it together but it's hard.

I spoke to him a little about her birth and my fears for Scarletts birth in 13 weeks and 2 days. It was good to be able to share that with him.

It's so hard to get into any kind of happy place today but I will try... We are hoping to have a little family party thing this afternoon with Brad and Caitie, not for Georgie's birthday but coz it is also New Year, and dispite the fact that I am sad and upset, they need to celebrate New Year. I think that they both have had enough death and saddness in their short lives already.

Georgina - my beautiful 1st princess. words cannot express how much I miss you it's not just today but every single day, Thank you for comming into my life and chosing me as your mummy, my life was and has been enriched because of you. I love you with every heartbeat I have. To the moon round the stars millions of times and back again. Have a wonderful birthday today where ever you are. I love and miss you Mummy xoxoxo

Christmas.....

We had a fantastic Christmas day here, The kids got so much stuff,

The day started around 8am with myself and Stu going to get the kids up from upstairs - Caitie was so excited as "Santa" had been and left her presents on her bed. "Santa ate my sweets and drank the milk mummy"

Came downstairs to find that Santa had been busy and left even more presents for the kids. Opened a few then breakfast, Scrambled egg on toast yummy.

3 hours later all the presents were open. We then spent the rest of the day playing with the kids new presents and having fun, while Stu cooked us a beautiful dinner but her forgot the "pigs in Blankets" LOL so at 8pm he cooked them for me.

Scan today.....

I get to see little Miss Scarlett again today :) We have a scan at 14:45 to recheck her heart and spine as the last scan she was a wotsit and they couldn't get the mesurements they needed. Also checking for bloodflow etc as well today as part of this APS I have Lets hope it goes ok. Next scan is 16th Jan :)

As for the magic Shoe Fairy - she still hasn't returned Bradley's school shoe. We spent 2 hours last night tearing the house appart to try and find it, how on earth dose one shoe go walk about? So the search for the shoe continues this morning.
xoxo

Christmas Shopping..

AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is all I can say to that one!!

Finally started my xmas shopping today, got most of the stuff that I needed to get for the kids. Just hope that they like it.

We have a magic shoe fairy in the house who has "stolen" one just one of Bradley's school shoes. Searching high and low for this shoe since this morning and we just can't find it! So whoever you are Shoe fairy please give Bradley's School shoe back ta ever so much xoxo

It Can't Be That Difficult

Aghhhh It really can't be that difficult to pretty things up around here can it? I've been trying to since last night and now I think I am about to give up, Oh well just keep trying something will click into place at some point.

We had planned on going christmas shopping today seeing as I haven't even started mine yet eeeekkkk 10 days to go and I only have brough 2 presents, but then I remembered we have a BCAMS appointment this afternoon so the christmas shopping is out of the window. I have never been this disorginised before! I'm normally the one who has it all done and dusted by January lol. Anyway only buying for my kiddo's and then they are not getting much at all just a couple of presents to open christmas morning and then they are both having some money to go to the Jan sales and get what they want.

xox Nicki xox

Proud Mummy Moment....

Wow am I a proud mummy or what? My baby girl Caitie was picked to go onto the stage at the end of the panto to take part in a game with Joe Pasqule. He saw her and said awww your tiny lol.

He asked her her name and she told him speaking into the mike "I'm Caitie" The whole of the audiance went "Awwwwwwwww" all this time Caitie was pulling her top up showing every1 her belly lmao He then asked her how old she was "3" she looked so tiny up there with the other children there were 4 of them and Caitie was the youngest the oldest was 6. They then played/sang I am a music man lol Caitie was given a Triangle to play and she played it beautifully even in time to the music. I so wish I had my camera with me to record it but you are not allowed to take photo's there so I didn't take it my Auntie told me later that she managed to get some photo's and will send them to me so as soon as I get them I will share them. Joe asked the kids who their fav charater was and Caitie said "The princess" LMAO there is no princess in peter pan lol we think she ment Tinkerbell the fairy.

The day went ok apart from a little run in with my mother but well lets say after making me cry today the way she did she is just not worth any effort, when all I asked her was did she have our tickets to get into the show, But as another one of my aunts said who came outside with me the only people I need to worry about are my family Stuart, Bradley, Caitie and Scarlett and keep getting upset the way that I am letting people upset me is doing me or Scarlett no good.

Talking about how Tiny caitie is we went to my Aunt and Uncles for food and drinks after and my Sister-in-law came with the twins who are around 17 months old and they are both nearly as big as Caitie is at 3 She is still in 18-23 month old clothes and one of the Twins wears the same size shoe as Caitie!

Hopefully I'll be able to pretty things up around here tonight so watch out for that but it depends on how tired I get.

xox Nicki xox

He's Behind You.......

We are off to the Panto this afternoon... We are going to see Peter Pan with Joe Pasquale (sp) it's a family tradition for our famliy around 50-60 of us all go together it's a way that all the kids can see each other while doing something fun. We then end up at one of my Aunts or Uncles houses for food and drinks and present exchanges. Hopefully will be back later to let you all know how it went. This is Caitie's 4th Panto the 1st one she went to she was just 11 weeks old! Last year she was mesmerised by it all I wonder if it will be the same this year??

My very very good friend (online and offline) Kirsty is a fantastic designer and I am in the process of downloading s few of her kits, I was playing with one last night and came up with a pretty blog background that I will hopefully be adding tonight so Look out for the changes. If you wanna check out Kirsty's kits try here Her stuff is fab!

Nicki xox

All About me....

Another e-mail getting to know you thing...


TYPE ONLY 1 WORD. IT'S HARDER THEN YOU THINK!!!

1. Where is your cell phone? Bed (next to it)
2. Your significant other? Stuart
3. Your hair? Brown
4. Your mother? infurating
5. Your father? Drunk
6. Your favorite thing? Love
7. Your dream last night? Children
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Happyness
10. The room you're in? livingroom
11. Your fear? death
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you're not? sleepy
15. Muffins? none
16. One of your wish list items? Happyness
17. Where you grew up? London
18. The last thing you did? slept
19. What are you wearing? Gown
20. Your TV? off
21. Your pet? cat (2 dogs 2 dragons)
22. Your computer? life
23. Your life? stressful
24. Your mood? Hopeful
25. Missing someone YES
26. Your car? Granada
27. Something you're not wearing? Undies!
28. Favorite Store? Primark
29. Your summer? Wet
30. Your favorite color? Pink
31. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
32. Last time you cried? Thursday

Nicki
xoxo

Tag Your It.........

Amanda sent me this on facebook, I am gonna do it there but thought I would do it here as well.

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I'm not sure I can list 16 things lol
.2. I am the luckest woman in the worls who has a fantastic hubby to be how adores me and 2 beautiful children on earth and one on the way.
3. I still think about, talk about and miss Georgina every single day.
4. I still haven't put up my christmas decorations - they are still in the loft lol
5. I tend to take on too much at once.
6. I hate having my feet tickled!
7. My main craving in all my pregnancies has been Dairylea, weather it be on toast in a sandwich with smoky bacon crisps or the latest one on celery.
8. It drives me mad when people call me strong - they only se what I let them see.
9. My fav meat is bacon or gammon
10. I get distracted easily ;)
11. I love long soaks in the bath with candles etc
12. I love helping people.
13. I want to go back to collage once Scarlett is born to train as a councllor
14. I love my family with all my heart even when we don't get on.
15. I want to inspire my children to have the confidance and courage to be who they want to be no matter what.
16. I have run out of things to say! LOL

I'm not saying WHY I'm tagging each person-- as this was a facebook note thingie I'm gonna tag the 16 there. I'm just tagging. Feel free to steal the note or comment, even if you aren't tagged.

Gonna try and get my PSPX on this laptop so I can pretty this blog up later this week fingers crossed.

Nicki
xox

Sob Sob Sob My baby boy isn't a baby anymore

Getting ready for the school run this morning a conversation with Bradley aged 8 1/2

Bradley: Santa is your parents.
Me: Who told you that
Bradley: My mates at school.
Me: trying not to laugh
Bradley: Is it true mum Santa is your parents?
Me: Well I think your old enough now to know the truth,
Bradley: Whats that then mum?
Me: Well you know how I always say to you that mummy has to give santa the money to get your presents and this year mummy dosen't have a lot.
Bradley: Yeah
Me: why do you think that is?
Bradley: Coz Santa is your parents. So it was you that put the presnts on my bed then.
Me: (seriously trying not to laugh) Yes Brad. But you mustn't tell your sister and ruin it for her.
Bradley: But why??
Me: Coz when you are little like you were and Caitlin is Chirstmas and santa are magical and I want your sister to keep that for as long as possible.
Bradley: what till she is 20?
Me: She won't believe for that long babe.
Bradley: So dose that mean the tooth fairy isn't real that it's your parents?
Me: yes now get going or you will be late for School AGAIN.

LMAO it was a very sereal conversation to have just before he left for school.
Bradley has his 2nd proformance of his school "nativity" play tom 1st one was yesterday and he said it went really well they got 3 claps, we are going to the one tom.

xoxo

Getting there.... Announcing baby news ........

A lot has been happening here the last few weeks. We have had some major issues with Bradley but slowly we are resolving those I think fingers crossed. but after today I'm not so sure He was beaten up at school today by 4 boys and is now sporting a lovely black eye. Stuart is going into the school tom to find out what is happening about it all as when i picked him up his teacher said to me that he had gotten into a fight and it was not his fault but failed to tell me that it was 4 boys onto bradley and he was held in a head lock while another boy kneed him in the face! A major row with my parents to the point that we are no longer speaking and they are not having anything to do with the kids. I fond out that my dad has been drink driving with my children in the car and neither one of them can see that there is anything wrong with it!!

I am now 21 weeks pg :) we had a scan on saturday (I will be back to talk about it in more detail later) and found out we are expecting another Princess.. Scarlett Elizabeth Ann Dowling. it really threw me as I was convinced that we were having another boy made me really scared as she is due on the same day that Georgie died but I had a consultant appointment yesterday and she has booked my c-section for 3rd April 2009 when I will be 39 weeks exactly :) she is not sure we will get that far but having a date to aim for is 1/2 the battle i think. I am totaly shattered right now so will have to finish this later.