Happy Birthday Georgie.....

New Years Eve such a bitter sweet day for me.. For most people it marks the last day of the year and the start of new beginings, For me it marks my beautiful daughter Georgina's Birthday. She was born at 18:21 7 years ago, She flew to heaven 14 weeks and 2 days later on 10th April 2002.

It's hard to believe that this beautiful precous pink bundle that was placed in my arms 7 years ago today was mine and how much her life and then death changed me forever. I still remember it like it was yesterday the pain is raw today. Stu woke me up a little while ago and said I don't know how to be with you today, but I am here for you. It was the best thing he could have said to me. This is the 1st Birthday of Georgina's that he has been with me for and I know it's hard for him to see me in pain and crying, I am trying to keep it together but it's hard.

I spoke to him a little about her birth and my fears for Scarletts birth in 13 weeks and 2 days. It was good to be able to share that with him.

It's so hard to get into any kind of happy place today but I will try... We are hoping to have a little family party thing this afternoon with Brad and Caitie, not for Georgie's birthday but coz it is also New Year, and dispite the fact that I am sad and upset, they need to celebrate New Year. I think that they both have had enough death and saddness in their short lives already.

Georgina - my beautiful 1st princess. words cannot express how much I miss you it's not just today but every single day, Thank you for comming into my life and chosing me as your mummy, my life was and has been enriched because of you. I love you with every heartbeat I have. To the moon round the stars millions of times and back again. Have a wonderful birthday today where ever you are. I love and miss you Mummy xoxoxo

Christmas.....

We had a fantastic Christmas day here, The kids got so much stuff,

The day started around 8am with myself and Stu going to get the kids up from upstairs - Caitie was so excited as "Santa" had been and left her presents on her bed. "Santa ate my sweets and drank the milk mummy"

Came downstairs to find that Santa had been busy and left even more presents for the kids. Opened a few then breakfast, Scrambled egg on toast yummy.

3 hours later all the presents were open. We then spent the rest of the day playing with the kids new presents and having fun, while Stu cooked us a beautiful dinner but her forgot the "pigs in Blankets" LOL so at 8pm he cooked them for me.

Scan today.....

I get to see little Miss Scarlett again today :) We have a scan at 14:45 to recheck her heart and spine as the last scan she was a wotsit and they couldn't get the mesurements they needed. Also checking for bloodflow etc as well today as part of this APS I have Lets hope it goes ok. Next scan is 16th Jan :)

As for the magic Shoe Fairy - she still hasn't returned Bradley's school shoe. We spent 2 hours last night tearing the house appart to try and find it, how on earth dose one shoe go walk about? So the search for the shoe continues this morning.
xoxo

Christmas Shopping..

AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is all I can say to that one!!

Finally started my xmas shopping today, got most of the stuff that I needed to get for the kids. Just hope that they like it.

We have a magic shoe fairy in the house who has "stolen" one just one of Bradley's school shoes. Searching high and low for this shoe since this morning and we just can't find it! So whoever you are Shoe fairy please give Bradley's School shoe back ta ever so much xoxo

It Can't Be That Difficult

Aghhhh It really can't be that difficult to pretty things up around here can it? I've been trying to since last night and now I think I am about to give up, Oh well just keep trying something will click into place at some point.

We had planned on going christmas shopping today seeing as I haven't even started mine yet eeeekkkk 10 days to go and I only have brough 2 presents, but then I remembered we have a BCAMS appointment this afternoon so the christmas shopping is out of the window. I have never been this disorginised before! I'm normally the one who has it all done and dusted by January lol. Anyway only buying for my kiddo's and then they are not getting much at all just a couple of presents to open christmas morning and then they are both having some money to go to the Jan sales and get what they want.

xox Nicki xox

Proud Mummy Moment....

Wow am I a proud mummy or what? My baby girl Caitie was picked to go onto the stage at the end of the panto to take part in a game with Joe Pasqule. He saw her and said awww your tiny lol.

He asked her her name and she told him speaking into the mike "I'm Caitie" The whole of the audiance went "Awwwwwwwww" all this time Caitie was pulling her top up showing every1 her belly lmao He then asked her how old she was "3" she looked so tiny up there with the other children there were 4 of them and Caitie was the youngest the oldest was 6. They then played/sang I am a music man lol Caitie was given a Triangle to play and she played it beautifully even in time to the music. I so wish I had my camera with me to record it but you are not allowed to take photo's there so I didn't take it my Auntie told me later that she managed to get some photo's and will send them to me so as soon as I get them I will share them. Joe asked the kids who their fav charater was and Caitie said "The princess" LMAO there is no princess in peter pan lol we think she ment Tinkerbell the fairy.

The day went ok apart from a little run in with my mother but well lets say after making me cry today the way she did she is just not worth any effort, when all I asked her was did she have our tickets to get into the show, But as another one of my aunts said who came outside with me the only people I need to worry about are my family Stuart, Bradley, Caitie and Scarlett and keep getting upset the way that I am letting people upset me is doing me or Scarlett no good.

Talking about how Tiny caitie is we went to my Aunt and Uncles for food and drinks after and my Sister-in-law came with the twins who are around 17 months old and they are both nearly as big as Caitie is at 3 She is still in 18-23 month old clothes and one of the Twins wears the same size shoe as Caitie!

Hopefully I'll be able to pretty things up around here tonight so watch out for that but it depends on how tired I get.

xox Nicki xox

He's Behind You.......

We are off to the Panto this afternoon... We are going to see Peter Pan with Joe Pasquale (sp) it's a family tradition for our famliy around 50-60 of us all go together it's a way that all the kids can see each other while doing something fun. We then end up at one of my Aunts or Uncles houses for food and drinks and present exchanges. Hopefully will be back later to let you all know how it went. This is Caitie's 4th Panto the 1st one she went to she was just 11 weeks old! Last year she was mesmerised by it all I wonder if it will be the same this year??

My very very good friend (online and offline) Kirsty is a fantastic designer and I am in the process of downloading s few of her kits, I was playing with one last night and came up with a pretty blog background that I will hopefully be adding tonight so Look out for the changes. If you wanna check out Kirsty's kits try here Her stuff is fab!

Nicki xox

All About me....

Another e-mail getting to know you thing...


TYPE ONLY 1 WORD. IT'S HARDER THEN YOU THINK!!!

1. Where is your cell phone? Bed (next to it)
2. Your significant other? Stuart
3. Your hair? Brown
4. Your mother? infurating
5. Your father? Drunk
6. Your favorite thing? Love
7. Your dream last night? Children
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Happyness
10. The room you're in? livingroom
11. Your fear? death
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you're not? sleepy
15. Muffins? none
16. One of your wish list items? Happyness
17. Where you grew up? London
18. The last thing you did? slept
19. What are you wearing? Gown
20. Your TV? off
21. Your pet? cat (2 dogs 2 dragons)
22. Your computer? life
23. Your life? stressful
24. Your mood? Hopeful
25. Missing someone YES
26. Your car? Granada
27. Something you're not wearing? Undies!
28. Favorite Store? Primark
29. Your summer? Wet
30. Your favorite color? Pink
31. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
32. Last time you cried? Thursday

Nicki
xoxo

Tag Your It.........

Amanda sent me this on facebook, I am gonna do it there but thought I would do it here as well.

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I'm not sure I can list 16 things lol
.2. I am the luckest woman in the worls who has a fantastic hubby to be how adores me and 2 beautiful children on earth and one on the way.
3. I still think about, talk about and miss Georgina every single day.
4. I still haven't put up my christmas decorations - they are still in the loft lol
5. I tend to take on too much at once.
6. I hate having my feet tickled!
7. My main craving in all my pregnancies has been Dairylea, weather it be on toast in a sandwich with smoky bacon crisps or the latest one on celery.
8. It drives me mad when people call me strong - they only se what I let them see.
9. My fav meat is bacon or gammon
10. I get distracted easily ;)
11. I love long soaks in the bath with candles etc
12. I love helping people.
13. I want to go back to collage once Scarlett is born to train as a councllor
14. I love my family with all my heart even when we don't get on.
15. I want to inspire my children to have the confidance and courage to be who they want to be no matter what.
16. I have run out of things to say! LOL

I'm not saying WHY I'm tagging each person-- as this was a facebook note thingie I'm gonna tag the 16 there. I'm just tagging. Feel free to steal the note or comment, even if you aren't tagged.

Gonna try and get my PSPX on this laptop so I can pretty this blog up later this week fingers crossed.

Nicki
xox

Sob Sob Sob My baby boy isn't a baby anymore

Getting ready for the school run this morning a conversation with Bradley aged 8 1/2

Bradley: Santa is your parents.
Me: Who told you that
Bradley: My mates at school.
Me: trying not to laugh
Bradley: Is it true mum Santa is your parents?
Me: Well I think your old enough now to know the truth,
Bradley: Whats that then mum?
Me: Well you know how I always say to you that mummy has to give santa the money to get your presents and this year mummy dosen't have a lot.
Bradley: Yeah
Me: why do you think that is?
Bradley: Coz Santa is your parents. So it was you that put the presnts on my bed then.
Me: (seriously trying not to laugh) Yes Brad. But you mustn't tell your sister and ruin it for her.
Bradley: But why??
Me: Coz when you are little like you were and Caitlin is Chirstmas and santa are magical and I want your sister to keep that for as long as possible.
Bradley: what till she is 20?
Me: She won't believe for that long babe.
Bradley: So dose that mean the tooth fairy isn't real that it's your parents?
Me: yes now get going or you will be late for School AGAIN.

LMAO it was a very sereal conversation to have just before he left for school.
Bradley has his 2nd proformance of his school "nativity" play tom 1st one was yesterday and he said it went really well they got 3 claps, we are going to the one tom.

xoxo

Getting there.... Announcing baby news ........

A lot has been happening here the last few weeks. We have had some major issues with Bradley but slowly we are resolving those I think fingers crossed. but after today I'm not so sure He was beaten up at school today by 4 boys and is now sporting a lovely black eye. Stuart is going into the school tom to find out what is happening about it all as when i picked him up his teacher said to me that he had gotten into a fight and it was not his fault but failed to tell me that it was 4 boys onto bradley and he was held in a head lock while another boy kneed him in the face! A major row with my parents to the point that we are no longer speaking and they are not having anything to do with the kids. I fond out that my dad has been drink driving with my children in the car and neither one of them can see that there is anything wrong with it!!

I am now 21 weeks pg :) we had a scan on saturday (I will be back to talk about it in more detail later) and found out we are expecting another Princess.. Scarlett Elizabeth Ann Dowling. it really threw me as I was convinced that we were having another boy made me really scared as she is due on the same day that Georgie died but I had a consultant appointment yesterday and she has booked my c-section for 3rd April 2009 when I will be 39 weeks exactly :) she is not sure we will get that far but having a date to aim for is 1/2 the battle i think. I am totaly shattered right now so will have to finish this later.

Sorry

Hi,
It's been ages since I posted, a lot has happened in that time, the main reason I haven't been posting is due to my internet is playing up majorly.

I will be back hopefully in the next few days with updates and stuff, the biggest one of those is that me and Stuart have decided to bring the wedding forward by a year to 6th Feb 09, I will be 31 weeks pregnant with baby D! It's all pretty much booked the venue for the ceormoney we are pencilled in but untill we have given notice at the local registary office they can't book it properly hopefully I'll be ble to do that next week but with what Brad did today I'm not sure I can afford it at £30 each, The hall is booked for the reception and again i have to pay for it next week for it to be official

Bradley has been that bad today that I have had to send him to my mums for a few days as I just can't cope with his behaviour and attitude at the moment. He broke Caitie's bed this afternoon after being told a 100 times not to jump on it. He smacked Caitie with a door and marked her, he's slapped her, answering back swearing constantly. Caitie's bed was in his room as we are currently trying to decorate as we are moving the kids rooms around, we started with Bradleys new room and have instead of doing what we said we were going to do and paint it blue until he can show respect and keep it tidy and stop distroying things painted it red the colour he wanted originally I just don't know what to do!

I am at a loss as to know what to do. everything I do is for him and with him in mind. Maybe thats the problem he has too much power in the house. I really don't know what to do or think

Ok I have 3 updates to make in one here, this may be a long post lol.

1st Update on John.. He is back at the care home now.. they don't know what was wrong with him.. the hospital sent him home after 1 night! I am so angry with the home it's not funny. John was unable to walk and even on their own admission, on their assesment sheet of him they had put that he has a high tentancy to wander, a high risk of a fall and is very confused, yet as I got to the hospital I found John sitting on his own! The care home decided for whatever reason to send an elderly confused vuneable man to hospital in an ambulance by himself!! He had no idea why he was there so was unable to tell the dr's anything at all! As I wasn't there when he fell ill I couldn't tell them anything either! This is the same care home who refused to provide care for him during his wife's funeral so he was unable to go! To see him the way he is is heartbreaking.. He is so confused he didn't know who I was..Didn't know where he was his own birthday.. asked the same question over and over. The dr's wanted a unrine sample from him and it took over 2 hours to try and get him to go and when he did he wet himself, he had no idea that he had wet himself. I am at a loss as to know what to do next how to handle it all.

2nd 12 week Scan yesterday - Wow baby is meausring right for dates which makes me 12+4 today so baby is definatly due on 10th April 09. It's a bitter sweet thing for me that baby is due on the day that my daughter died. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest. The actual scan was amazing pipkin was like a little jumping bean all over the place. She/he just didn't want to be in the right position to be able to take the nuchal mesurements that were needed, everytime the singorapher said "come on baby move" Pipkin decided to put his/her hands over his/her ears so cute.
From the scan report.
Crown-rump Lenght 66.7mm
Biparietal diamater 21.4mm
Nuchal translucency 2.3mm
Femur lenght 7.7mm
Skull/brain: apears normal
Spine: apears normal
Abodomen :apears normal
Stomach: Visable
Bladder: visable
Hands: Both seen
Feet: Both Seen

Estemated risk for Trisomy 21 13+18
Background risk of Trisomy 21: 1:566
Ajusted risk of Trisomy 21: 1:754
Background risk of Trisomy 13+18: 1:1021
Ajusted risk of Trisomy 13+18: 1:20406

So all good news from the scan - they want me to have another scan at 32 weeks to check the placenta coz of what happened with Caitie, but it will be fine.

I will be adding the scan photo when Stuart has scanned it.

3rd Caitie's birthday. Ia m absoultly exausted so I am going to update on this tommorrow. I am going to hit my bed now

Night night
xoxo

Happy Birthday Caitie!!

Wow, my baby girl is 3 years old today.

Caitlin Bella Georgina was born at 9.44am 30th September 2005.

I will be back later to update more on my fil and with photo's of present opening this am with Caitie.

Scared...

My Mother in Law - Malcolm's (my husband who died in May 2006 and daddy to Bradley Caitie and Georgie) mum died in March this year. Her husband John my Father in law and the last living relitive conneted to Malcolm is in a nursing home with Altzimers..... I have just 2 seconds ago recieved a phone call from the home stating that they have called an ambulance on the Dr's advice as he is very very poorly... he is not moblising and is very sleepy. I am waiting on them calling me back to let me know what hospital they are taking him to so that I can meet them there once I have sorted childcare out for the kids..I am scared. John is 85 years old. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers

A Child Free Weekend.

Things are still realy manic here at the moment. Luckly for me tho my mum has agreed to have both Caitie and Bradley for the weekend.

Stu is going out on Sat night with a few mates to a big event which I was supposed to be going to but won't coz of it's just not worth the risk of getting banged into. I am going to do a propper catch up then when the house is nice and quite. I am going to try and pretty this blog up a little although don't hold ya breath lol. My psp mojo seems to have gone for a walkabout lately

I am still having problems with my ISP - we are now on our 2nd new router aggghh ... They confirmed last night that there was "something" on the line but would not tell us what it is, but since then touch wood it's been working fine.

NT scan on Monday 29th High risk midwife booking in appointment 1st October high risk pg Consultant appointment 10th October.

I saw my APS consultant last week as well and again she is not happy with me I have lost over 5kg/11lb in a month and have protin in my urine already BP is perfect tho, due to the APS I have I am at greater risk of getting pre e just another thing to worry about. Why can't this pregnancy lark be simple and easy?

xoxo

A New Addition To The Family.....

..... Meet Tia,





Our adorable 8 week old Jack Russel puppy.

Stuart Brought her for me for my birthday that is in a couple of weeks. Eeekkk can't believe i am going to be 31 I wanna be 21 again lol.

Caitie has her birthday comming up as well a week before mine. She is gonna be 3 where has the time gone?

Pregnancy - I have a scan date now for 29th September, booking in appointment at St Thomas' on 1st October.

I will try and ge back for a better update soon. But for now I just wanted to Show off Tia.

Still Around.....

.... I have a huge update to type out, I will do as soon as I get 5 mins to sit and think.

I also have a few photo's to share.. We took the kids to the Science Museum 2 weekends ago with the Foundation (FSIDS) It was a good day in more ways than 1.

xox Nicki xox

My baby is poorly

Awww my baby girl is unwell, she has an ear infection. Kept us up most of the night with it. Took her to the Dr' and he has given her anti biotics lets hope that they clear it and it don't turn into one like Bradders has which take weeks to clear.

We've all woke up this morning with colds as well. just typical that eh! Brad is due to go back to school tom to start year 4 OMG my baby boy is such a big boy! Still have to get him parts of his uniform trousers to be precise, but he has 2 pairs from last year that are fine so we will go with them till next week.

The shower isn't fully fitted yet. We need 6 meters of cable and it will be done, hopefully we can get it finished later in the week.

The weather is horid rain rain and more rain - please go away!

xox Nicki xox

Shower!

Yeahhh Stu's dad is here to help him fit the electric shower I brought a few months ago. At least now I won't be worrying in 6 or 7 months time as to how the hell to get out of the bath.

Lets hope it works :)

Ughhh

I feel so sick at the moment it's not funny, i can hardley eat anything, Stu bless him made a lovely sausage casorole this evening i had one mouthful and couldn't eat any more :(

Scrap Pages

I thought I'd share some scrap pages I made using photo's of the kids











Remember to click on them to see them full size.I am still trying to work out how to make the images bigger here.Nicki

Awwwww Bless.....

...... Steve just txt Stu....

Baby Alex James awwww mummy and baby are doing well

Waiting.....

Stu's friend Steve & Hazel are expecting their 2nd bundle of Joy a baby boy anyday.... They have a beautiful baby girl Kaitlyn (like my Caitie but spelt diffently)

Stu has just called Steve to see how they are.. Steve broke his ankle a few weeks ago and can't walk anywhere at the moment... Steve's phone is off. which could possibly mean that Hazel is in labour or has had the baby....

Whoooohh Good luck guys.

Pregnancy Update and Scan

I wish I had some appointments lined up to start this post with but due to what happened at St Thomas' I don't now :( Except my next appointment to see Dr Hunt at St Thomas'
22nd September 30 days

Lets Start with what happened at St Thomas' : The upshot is she is not happy :( Dr Hunt my consultant has decided to increase my claxine dose from 4 to 6 the needles are twice the size now :( will try and get a pic to show you. The reason she has decided to do this is coz my babies are too small Caite was 5lb 4oz using 4 of claxine until i was approx 28 weeks Caitie decided to stop growing at 32 weeks and was born at 36 weeks, she wants me to grow a bigger baby. Georgie was only 4lb 11oz at 37 weeks without claxine and my biggest baby was Bradley born at 40+5 6lb 7 1/2oz again without the claxine. She also wants me to continue with the claxine till the end and possibly for 6 weeks after. She has also now labled me as very high risk :( when I had Caitie it took over 45 mins from the 1st cut to getting her out of me, I was told at the time this was cos I was "butchered" from Georgie's section. She told me that I had something called placenta accresha (sp) My bladder was attached to my womb, from what I have read online the last few days it's scarey and extreamly dangerous. Pipkin will be my last baby. I can't go through this again. I just want a normal pregnany and to be able to enjoy it without being scared. She is also re-booking me for St Thomas' now so I have to wait for a booking appointment with their team of midwives and ob's

When I had my booking at the local hospital the midwive told us that it was doubtful I would be allowed to go pass 38 weeks due to my history so it works out although Pipkin is due 10th April I will be 38 weeks on 27th March so it will prob be somewhere around there.

I had the follow up scan yesterday at the local hospital and saw Pipkin!! and his heartbeating away :) that made me so happy. Pipkin is mesuring right for my dates so I am now 7+1 :)


Our Pipkin - Click on photo to see full size

center>It was amazing and a relief to see pipkin on the scan stu had a silly grin on his face and was asking lots of questions bless him. The kids were fasinated by it all. Caitie now keeps asking if I'm ok and is the baby in your tummy being good mummy lol. Bradders kisses my tummy goodnight and says he can't wait to be a big brother again, as long as it's a boy mum lmao. I am really fed up of constantly being sick, everytime I eat I am sick, it's making me feel really weak. Finally gave in and spoke to my GP who has gien me anti sickness tablets - not that they are doing much good :(

Booking In App & Happy Birthday

St Thomas' Appointment Today
5 days Till Re Scan
37 days Til 12 Week Scan.

My booking in appointment went well, it was just with the midwife and now I have to have a medical booking in as well due to the APS and 3 previous sections and coz of Georgie as well. *sigh* I wish that I could be one of these women who is able to sail through pregnancy without a care in the world, but once you have had a loss or losses you are never the same again, every little twinge sends you into blind panic and rushing to the bathroom to check for blood. I know when and if pipkin arrives I will be 100 times worse, the fear is always there even now with Brad and Caitie I am terrified that something is going to happen to them.

They now do things diffrent as to when I had Caitie, even though i am RH- they didn't give me the anti d until after she was born and she was tested and was RH+ now they give it at 29 weeks regardless so something else to look fw to another bloody injection. Oh well if it keeps Pipkin safe then it's worth it.

We have changed our minds on a boy's name we, we'll Stu went off the name we both liked :( now we can't find one we agree on any idea's anyone? Girls name is sorted now I think we both love this name well i like the long version Stu likes the shorted version so we are sorted i think but have to choose middle names, we will see on that one i have an idea but not sure stu will go for it.

I have my St Thomas' appointment this afternoon yuck not looking fw to it as I know they will want to take yet more blood from me I hate needles! Hopefully they will keep to their word and give me a scan I really need reasring that everything is alright in there. Hopefully be back Later with an update.

The sickness has kicked in proper now. I am constantly being sick all the time even a cup of tea makes me throw up. I am so tired all of the time coz of the being sick constantly. I'm even having to get up in the night to be sick. All sorts of things set me off smells, the thought of food anything it's driving me bonkers! I do know that it will be worth it in the end.

Lastly I wasted to wish 2 very special little angels a happy birthday.

1st Jenna - I know I am late with wishing you a happy birthday sweetheart, I hope you had a fantastic party up in heaven with all your heavenly friends, I hope that your mommy Lorri daddy and sister Kelley were able to feel your kisses on the wind xoxoxox

2nd Hannah - Happy birthday for today sweetheart. I hope that you are having a fantastic party in heven getting into all sorts of mischief up there. I hope that your mummy Amanda Daddy Carl, brothers Matt, Adam, Lewis, Christopher and Oliver are able to feel the kisses blown on the wind for them.

Keeping Positive with dates to aim for

I have decided to keep a note at the top of each post how many days I have till appointments.. I am hoping that this will help to keep me focused and positive,

3 days till booking appointment at local hospital
6 days till APS appointment at St Thomas'
10 Days till re-scan
43 Days till 12 week Scan

Worried

I ended up in the ER on sunday night . Been having a lot of pain on my left side and am unable to keep any thing down. The Dr ruled out an eptopic thank goodness but I have to go to the early pregnany unit yesterday to double check and have a scan. It could be a number of things a cyst on my overy I had several with my last pg with Bubbles, My section scar is hurting like hell, I have had 3 sections already and had some problems with the last one, Old scar tissue streaching from the sections, who knows? They wanted to keep me in but after managing to keep a cup of water down with lots of struggling to keep it down they let me go home, lol more so as I had my 2 little monsters with me, Bradder's ADHD was causing a bit of a problem as it was midnight and I couldn't medicate him at that time or he would have been up all night! They did some blood tests and Dr said something about my liver function not quite being what it should be but that could be due to the Claxine that I am on.

The scan went wellish - they saw a gestational sack and yoke in the place it should have been which is messuring right for my dates but they would not say that this is a viable pregnancy due to not seeing pipkin I know it's really early but it's so scarey I had to have early scan's with Bubbles and we saw a hb at 5+4 with her. I have to go back on 22nd to have another scan I will be 7 weeks - They couldn't see any cysts thank goodness the one i had with Bubbles ended up the size of a orange. Still not sure what is causing the pain but at least it's not an eptopic. It just could be the scaring I have from the previous sections causing it all - My section with Bubbles was a nightmare it took them 45 mins to get her out of me, the surgon said that I was butured from my section with Georgie, my bladder was attached to my womb and they had to free it all before they could do anything. The section for pipkin will not be stright forward they said after looking through all my notes yesterday. The liver function one of the results was a little high but nothing to worry about too much Yet they said that I will have to have more blood tests to keep an eye on it. I have my booking in appointment on friday so they will test it again then, so still no further with that really, but again have said that it could be due to the claxine/heprin that I have to inject, my clotting was normal which is a relief.

Watching Stu's face during the scan was amazing, he had a silly grin all over it, I'm so glad that he is so happy, after the scan he keept grinning at me "We're having a baby" I so wish I could have his optimisum. Iam scared silly that when we go back there will be nothing there the sack will be empty.

Scan News

I was just about to walk out the door this morning to take Caitie to pre-school when the phone rang, I wasn't going to answer it but something made me, It was my consultant's sectary, they have booked me in to see her on 18th August and hopefully I will have my scan then the secretary wasn't too sure but he did say he believes that the scan will happen as Dr Hunt was talking about it so I guess we will see what happens then. Stu has said tho that if I don't get the scan then he will pay for one for us. I have also had my 12 week scan through the post at the local hospital 24th September, plus my booking in appointment at the local hospital I asked The sectary what I should do about the booking appointment and he said to go as they should then pull me over to St Thomas’s depending on what Dr Hunt wants to do on the 18th So my booking is on the 15th.So my appointments look like this at the moment - 15th August Booking at local hospital with midwife and local consultant 18th August appointment with APS consultant and U/S hopefully! 12 week scan 24th September.

I can't believe how tired and ill I feel at the moment. I keep crying at the silliest things, My section scar is hurting like crazy. All my clothes feel really tight I’ve been wearing Df’s joggers and he wants em back lol so I brought a couple of pairs of leggings in the next size up from my current size and they are so comfy Also saw a sale in a maternity section of one of my fav shops so brought 4 lovely tops out of there, for around $40/£20. We have also been really naughty and been looking at prams again today and think we have finally decided on one we both like. :)

I will try and get back tom to post about the last few days but we will se I am so tired ALL of the time within 20 mins of getting up I want to go back to bed

xox Nicki xox

Finaly

I finally got a kind of answer yesterday. Called my consultant and her secateary has said that she is away til monday but will be getting back to me on Monday - explained to him about the issues I have with getting the 5-8 week scan done and they are going to try and sort it out so I have one somewhere either the local hospital or St Thomas' on the 11th August : I have a date to reach for now. My 12 week scan at the local hospital came through this morning for the 24th of September it seems ages away.

Bradders won some tickets for Charlton his fav football team - he has a season ticket but this is a friendly game, So I am taking him to see them this afternoon. The joy not a big football fan but if it makes him happy then I'll go.

Will be back later hopefully with and update and photo's

Day At The Park

Stu dropped Caitie off at pre-school, bless her she loves it. She made her 1st picture today with tissue paper lol all sticky gonna laminate it later and scan it will put a pic here once it's done.

Then it was off to the hospital to book my 12 week scan, what a palava, my stupid GP hadn't signed the form so it has to be faxed back to them and then the hospital will send me the appointment by post should be end of September. Still trying to get the 5-8 week scan sorted out grrrrrr. When I get home I am so exausted I fall asleep. Still a waiting game for me. Waiting for my consultant to call me so I am calling her tom. Been to the Dr on monday and saw the nurse who has booked me for the local hospital but due to the APS stuff I will get moved over to St Thomas' but need my consultant to do all the pper work as my GP can't grrrr St Thom's want me to have a scan at 5-8 weeks but my local hospital won't do it! Been running around trying to get it sorted and typically my consultant who needs to do all the forms is on holiday! Took my 12 week scan form to the hospital this morning and my stupid dr hasn't signed it so they have to fax it over so now waiting on the post to get a scan date. Sickness is 100% worse, actually being sick now. Due to me constantly reaching and not drinking my usual coffee's with friends and drinking tea instead most people have guessed we didn't want anyone to know until we were at least 12 weeks. My mum knew coz she was doing my jabs for me, but she is ill and didn't want to pass anything on to me so I had to do my 1st one myself tonight - took me 30 mins but I did it only another 8 months or so to go. It bloody hurts.


Went to ASDA to get some bits for a pinic in the park with the kids and my friend Kirsty and her kiddies. The local park all this week has loads of activities on which are all free. I didn't see Bradley for over 2 hours as he was off doing his thing with Harry. They had a bouncy castle for the under 5's and Caitie bless her was going onit getting off going back round to que again and then back on from 1:30 - 4pm when it shut! Was so funny she loved it so much was not intrested in any of the other stuff that was going on just the bouncy castle. Brad had a fake wound put on it looked discusting.

Caitie had her 1st face painting today as well she looked so cute she was a "flutterfly" what she call's butterfly's. I will post a pic later as Stu has them on his fone.

I'm off to me bed now so so tired.


XOX Nicki XOX

Pregnancy

Above photo Tests from 7 DPO - today 12 DPO

Clear Blue Digital Positive at 10 DPO

What can I say the photo's above say it all :)

I am currently 12DPO AF is due on friday but she aint comming whhhhoooo .

The kids went to my mum and dad's last night, me and stu went to bluewater baby shopping :) well not baby shopping more like baby window shopping. We chose the sterliser we want, looked at loads of prams but can't agree on one the one I love Stu hates and the one he loves I hate! We also have a few names kicking around at the moment, Boys name is defo decided but thats a secret lol although middle names are not for a boy we have Scott Michael - Scott after my best friend Karen's little boy who sadly gained wings of gold aged just 9 months old and Michael again after my friend Lian's little boy who died in a house fire on christmas eve.

We ended up in Nando's how on earth I managed to keep it down I have no idea. Came home and did some puter work checking mails etc had a lovely soak in the bath with some beautiful Lush products I brought myself at Bluewater Well it was lovely until the neighbous kids came knocking! went to bed absolutly shattered.

Sickness has kicked in proper now, was sick for the 1st time this morning. At the moment I am struggling to keep the bacon sandwich that Stu made for me earlier down. It's so hot as well Bless Stu he has put the fan on for me.

XOX Nicki XOX

My Baby isn't a Baby anymore

My bubbles started Pre-school this morning, She loved it! We arrived a little late and they were getting ready for registration. The staff called all the children to sit down on the floor. Bubbles sat on the floor with the other children looked back at me and said "Bye Mum" Made me cry.

Took some piccys of her this morning and she looked so so grown up. I still find it hard to believe that the little baby all 5lb 4oz of her that I brought home from the hospital is growing into this beautiful, amazing, funny, cheeky, little girl. So hard to belive that she is going to be 3 years old at the end of September.

Too Grown up. So excited about going to School.

I'm a cutie and don't I know it lol

With My Fifi Backpack :)


Picked her up and the staff told me she had a fantastic time, on the drive home she was telling me all about the boys she was playing with and she played with 2 houses and they have pink toliets! - LOL she made me laugh so much when she said sorry mummy I didn't do any sticking or paints today I was too busy! I'll try and do some tommorrow Bless her.

*sob* My little girl is growing up so fast, how on earth do we let them go?

Introduction

Hi,

I guess I had better indroduce myself. I am Nicki a SAHM of 2 beautiful kiddo's Bradders is 8 going on 18 and Caitie is 2 going on 20. I am also the mummy to a beautiful Angel Georgina who gained wings of gold due to SIDS aged just 14 weeks and 2 days old. I found out on Saturday 27th July 08 that myself and Stuart are expecting our 1st baby together. Our baby is due on Georgina's Angel date 10th April 2009. Sadley Bradley and Caitlin's daddy died 2 years ago.

I am engaged to Stuart - we are planning our wedding for 6th Feb 2010 on a beach in Cuba.

I am planning on using this blog *i actually typed bog then lol* to record daily events in the lives of my children and in my current pregnancy. Hopefully with lots of photo's etc. My aim is to post everyday even if it's just a line, if I can't everyday at least once a week. So off we go, I'm sure as time gose on that you will get to know my growing family ;)

Nicki
xoxox